This post has been de-listed
It is no longer included in search results and normal feeds (front page, hot posts, subreddit posts, etc). It remains visible only via the author's post history.
Right now, you're probably in over your head if you have a newborn. You've fallen face-first into a level of exhaustion that you've never experienced.
You're questioning your sanity. "Did the baby just cry? Am I imagining it? Are they breathing? Let me check."
Your breasts hurt and your nipples are cracked and sore. Baby is cluster feeding and you're scared you're going to doze off and drop them. "Are they getting enough milk? What if I'm not producing enough? What if the baby is just hungry all the time and that's why they're always crying? Am I a failure because I can't feed my child? My body was made for this."
You might be feeling a touch of resentment for the baby. You might feel a little bit detached. But you were so excited for this. This is what you wanted. Sweet snuggles from a precious little baby. You knew it would be hard. But not this hard, right? But you prepared. You talked to other moms, you had a game plan for how you were going to tackle this new mom thing. But things aren't going the way you planned.
Sure, people will watch the baby so you can nap. But the baby cries and nobody knows how to calm them the way you do. How can you rest when your baby needs you? Why can't you just turn off mama brain for an hour to nap?
Will this ever get easier? Will it always be this draining? Do you have PPD or is this just the baby blues? Or are you just irritable because you can't sleep? Do you even love your baby? You want time away from your baby so clearly you're a terrible mother. Good mother's don't leave their babies, right?
Oh Mama, my heart is with you. I wish I could tell you that you're okay. But you're not okay. But that's alright. It's okay to be not okay. It's okay to wonder what you got yourself into. It's okay to wonder if you made a mistake.
All of these thoughts were ones that I had when I had a newborn. But now, it's a world of difference. Let me paint a picture.
Your finicky little newborn has blossomed into the most beautiful, bright little toddler you've ever seen. It is the greatest joy of your life to witness them learning something new. You watch with bated breath when they try candy for the first time and chuckle as the yell "YUUMMMYY!!!" at the top of their lungs. You both laugh heartily. Your heart melts into a puddle when they see you at the end of the day and shout "MAMA!" with the biggest squinty smile they can muster. You can feel their genuine love and excitement to see you in their sweet little embrace around your neck.
At the end of the day when Daddy's putting them to bed, they turn around and look at you in the hallway with sleepy eyes and say "night Mama" and blow a huge kiss. In those moments, you wonder how you got so lucky to have this wonderful little creature who wreaks havok on your house, but holds all the pieces of your heart in their tiny little sticky hands.
I know every day feels like a constant battle to survive. But take it one day at a time. Don't think about the big picture. It's too big. Just think about today. Your journey will feel long, but you're closer to relative normalcy than you think. You'll turn around to see that your cranky newborn is now an adventurous, silly, affectionate little human whose entire world begins and ends with you. You are their happy place, their safety net, and the shoulder they can always cry on. You are their home.
Subreddit
Post Details
- Posted
- 2 years ago
- Reddit URL
- View post on reddit.com
- External URL
- reddit.com/r/NewParents/...