My beautiful 15-day-old daughter had a brief NICU stay beginning a few hours after birth. She stayed for about 48 hours and we were discharged about 24 hours after that.

I quickly learned that formula feeding a newborn when the mother is only able to express miniscule amounts of colostrum is rather detrimental to the breastfeeding process. Upon discharge, she was eating 2oz every 4 hours from a regular flow nipple (as opposed to a slow flow or preemie nipple). Meanwhile, my milk hadn't come in at all. I wasn't even producing an ounce of colostrum in a whole day. As the days went on, she would not latch. She doesn't want to "work" for the milk and bottle feeding has made her a lazy eater. We tried several times and she SCREAMS. I mean earth shattering screaming. Every time, a few minutes in, we're both sobbing uncontrollably. It's heartbreaking and so unbelievably frustrating.

Now, two weeks in, my supply is slowly decreasing. I'm taking supplements to try and keep it up. Pumping several times a day for 20 minutes each time. Everyone tells me to see a lactation consultant (because of when she was born, her NICU stay, and when we were discharged, LCs weren't able to drop by our room). But I worry that we're too far gone to do it now. Trying to get her to latch has been so traumatizing to both of us, I almost don't want to try again. I also love knowing exactly how much milk she's getting by pumping and measuring. But I feel like I've failed at the most basic task for caring for a newborn. I don't want to lose my supply. But I don't want to breastfeed. All of the pain and frustration has been severely exacerbated by PPD and postpartum preeclampsia. Any other moms in this situation?

TL:DR I can't breastfeed my baby. My supply is decreasing despite pumping. I feel like a complete failure as a mother.