Hey guys

Mods, I will be grateful if this is approved. If not, cool.

So, I've been studying and applying Neville for about nine months now. I've manifested so many small things wonderfully and well. Things which were very small. With my SP, it shows signs here and there of something but no major improvement. Everything seems to be at a snail's pace.

I loved studying and applying manifesting. It made the world seem more fair to me. I disliked the idea of a puppeteer God or Destiny who controls our life and grants some wishes and says no to others. My greatest wish in life is to marry my SP and raise a family with him. I was slowly building faith not just in this but in my manifesting abilities.

In March, my pet cat, Z, falls sick out of the blue. I immediately applied SATS and visualised him being healthy and living. I had faith he would pull through. I even went on with my life and I remember having a vivid feeling of me and my SP belonging together, and thinking, finally, this is it. A few hours later, I wake up to the call that Z died.

I was indeed shattered because my cats are a part of me and I took two days to resume everything back to normal. I reached out to people here and they helped me understand, including a kind mod. I resumed manifesting practices and applying SATS and doing other stuff. I took refuge in my two other cats.

Within two weeks, my youngest cat B, gets attacked but isn't injured, just scared and she hid in a drain where we couldn't reach her. We can't humanly get into the drain even to take her to the vet. She is very tiny so squeezed in. I go into the only way I know to help her. I prayed and visualised her running about and happy. I was relatively calm. I even got a surprise call from my SP after months and I got to hear a wonderful statement from him where he(trust me, he knows no neville and nothing about manifesting), he told me he sees an alternate universe where we are married with kids. I'm. Like woah, where did you get this from... I was so happy. Morning I wake up, B is dead.

It was really hard for me to cope with the loss of two cats and this really sucked and hit my faith in my conscious manifesting abilities. I did not give up however. I persisted in what I did but I feel weaker. A month passed by and my last cat, S, goes missing. I was too scared after both the incidents and I visualised her coming back and us being happy playing. I just found her dead body outside now.

I don't know why I write this. My manifesting failed thrice and when something so personal hits you repeatedly, it really saps you. I don't mean to write this to discourage anyone since most of you are doing so well and brilliantly and I wish you all the best. This isn't even about my SP. I've lost the will to try at this. When I see accounts of people who saved their pets, it makes me feel sad. Three dead cats is too much of a coincidence.

I'm taking a break from conscious manifesting. I will however try my best not to enter an angry or victim mode. I like my life too much for that. I'm also withdrawing from manifesting my SP. Its difficult to do that in my current emotions as well as feeling the failure.