When I look in the mirror, all I see is The broad shoulders, male aging, masculine eyes, everything I don’t want to be. I try so hard to be the woman I’ve imagined myself to truly be. In a world thats against my existence, an existence set up from the start. I always see cis and trans women alike that I’d kill to look like. Instead, whatever sick, demented, cruel higher power gave me this

I hate it! I grew up with a pretty mom, yet I’m here looking like an antisemitic cartoon. I’m too clockable, hrt can only do so much, and I don’t have the money, or pride to get plastic surgery. The one life I get, and I have to spend it looking like a complete demon. I hate my face. I want to rip it off so badly. I wish it were clay instead of flesh and bone. That way I can shape myself as I please without pleading with a uncooperative god to do so. This is unfair.

Too much envy runs in my veins. Too much anger in my broken heart. I’m lost. I’m hopeless. What more can I do?