Toxic masculinity tells people that being a man is about not being a woman, since everything related to women is basically shit. Most feminists understand what the rhetoric comes from and why it's garbage.

Within toxic masculinity, being a MAN means:

• You must be strong and brave and ooze machismo in all contexts because otherwise you're a PUSSY.
• You can't let anyone or anything emasculate you, because anything which is not TOUGH and MANLY is bad and GAY and makes you a PUSSY.
• Heterosexuality is preferred, but if you have to be gay, you can't take things up your butt because EVEN MORE GAY. In all sex your penis should be the only thing involved in doing stuff to other people because that's what being a MAN is. In fact no butt stuff for a man at any time ever.
• Men can't be raped by women because being a man means wanting to sex women all the time. If you are upset about someone taking your agency away sexually that's weak and womanly and if you were raped by a guy then you are GAY WEAK PUSSY BITCH because someone else had their dick in you.
• Men should not stoop to caring about others, or have complex feelings because that's FEMALE NONSENSE. If you care about others and help them without getting something in return you're a SIMP CUCK because nobody should ever be able to take advantage of you, ever. You are the MAN; you should control the narrative at all times.
• Your worth in the world is defined by where you stand on a masculine hierarchy of power, defined by control, wrapped up in being larger, more aggressive, more intimidating, more successful, more capable of hurting others with your ENORMOUS PENIS and all its connotations. More sex with women? More MANLY. More money? More clout? Taller? Bigger dick? MAN.

Are you short? Fat? Bald? Effeminate? Gentle? Shy? Sexually inexperienced? Sexually submissive? Just plain submissive? Inarticulate? Unsuccessful in business? Lacking in confidence? Lacking in the penis department (according to arbitrary standards with no basis in reality)?

So caught up in the rhetoric of toxic masculinity that you have been fed since childhood that you feel personally attacked when anyone challenges it or your adherence to its precepts? Struggling with personal feelings of inadequacy because you can't perform to the demanded standards of manliness? Frustrated with your lot in life because through all your struggles there are no excuses made for you or people reaching out to help you?

Well guess what? You have FAILED at being a MAN because MASCULINITY is about MANLY STUFF and if you can't cut it then you might as well just fuck off. Also if you can't understand why toxic masculinity is a problem then you are a BAD PERSON and you can fuck off too.

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Every single point here is a gross exaggeration, but the kernel of thought at the root of each is believed by a lot of people, including those who think they aren't part of the problem. If you are an enlightened person who has figured out why toxic masculinity is hot garbage, yelling at another guy for not getting it is reinforcing it all over again. If you're angry that guys just don't seem to want to change, just walk away when you can. Telling a dude who believes all that shit above about how "real men" behave just implies there is an ideal way for men to be.

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This post is a reaction; I have many thoughts about how toxic masculinity and misogyny hurt women and non-binary people but that's not the subject of this post. Neither is what I believe the role of women, feminists and male allies to be in this context. Feel free to add those points in your own post; I will come there and agree/argue with you.

^{Please don't mention Menslib in the comments.}

(Edits for formatting)