Within the 7 months of looking for an online friend, I've come to a lot of realizations..

I've met people who i thought valued our connection, but then faded after a while. I guess putting too much emotion on a virtual stranger is too risky, huh? But why do i keep trying? am i really that.... desperate?

I've met people who are in a bad place, and even preparing themselves to end it all. I tried my best to cheer them up, hoping that maybe if i do something good for them, they would also do the same to me. Was I selfish for expecting the same thing in return? maybe. idk.

I thought maybe if i showed them that i truly care, maybe they'll stay? Lol no. what a clown move for me.

You talk to them for the first time, and you are already thinking that someday, you two will stop talking to one another. It pains me to realize that facing multiple failures in friendships caused me to have this awful mindset.

I've learned that people also have lives outside of our friendship. I wish i knew this sooner. I was such a horrible person to demand so much on people.

When i talk and tell stories, it feels like im being too much, but if i dont do and say anything, it feels like im not enough. Why is it so hard to talk to people.

The worst part of being emotionally broken is that i overinterpret every single gesture of kindness that i receive, making me develop intimate feelings for every single stranger that i meet in the internet. Why am i like this. Have i been deprived of love for so long that i have become like this?

Tons of people approached me on my last attempts. I was so grateful. I thought that maybe this time, i could finally find a forever friend.... Maybe not. I posted them on the worst time possible. I was so broken, and was so stressed due to my college responsibilities. I should've waited before offering such connection. I guess it is true when they said that in order for u to connect to people, always make sure that you are complete first, because people are not patient enough to care for broken individuals.

Only 2 people checked on me when i stopped talking to them due to the struggles that i am silently battling. Funny... I used to check on everyone. Oh well.. Who am i to expect such.

I had lots of pending requests, but then i deleted all of them cuz i thought i already found the ones that i needed. Foolish of me to think that the ones that i chose were different..

Only one is left, and i feel like it's already fading. I'm scared to be alone again... I mean, i can handle being alone, but if i have choices to pick, i would certainly not choose this. I don't want to be alone, but I don't think that's an option i can consider as of now.

Sometimes i wonder, do they even miss me? I wonder if they also look at my pfp the way i look at theirs, and started thinking, "will they talk to me again?". What a joke. Why do i keep thinking that they care. They probably have already found someone else to talk to everyday..

I have so many unsent messages to people..

"Remember when you said that you were gonna visit me someday? haha. i honestly thought you were being serious. I know it's already impossible from the start, but i really thought that maybe you're not just joking around..."

"If ever i got rich, i will visit you, dude. I wasn't joking haha. Imma bring my broom and offer you a cleaning service X) we need to clean your room up.."

"Hey, buddy, im still waiting for your invite."

"You have no idea how much i cried when u said you've already found 'the one' lol X)"

"What's up? have you asked that cute guy yet? haha tell meeeeeee"

"Yo grim, do you still remember me? lmaooo i can do a one-minute plank now LOL"

"I wish i could jog with you haha. That way, we can get sexy at the same time lmaoo"

"Hey, how are u? i kinda miss u hhaha."

"im sorry"

I hope when i come back for another chance in this sub, i get to experience what it feels like to have a friend again..

3rd year college is gonna start tomorrow. It's going to be another year filled with dissapointments, stressful nights, and unexpressed emotions. I hope this new academic year distracts me from all of the negative sht that i have endured. 2021 is kinda a wreck for me.

They were right. Online friends are definitely not the same as having real life ones..

When i feel complete again, maybe I'll try again.

Idk why you're reading this, dear stranger, but here's a lil something for u:

https://youtu.be/7gYG95NG1YA

It sounds really lovely. it's funny how this piece of music can imitate the emotions that i have felt when i talked to virtual individuals for the first time. You talk to them everyday, gradually making you emotionally attached. You start to think that finally, you have found someone... maybe not haha. Oh well..

These friend-finding subs are really something, huh? haha.. Funny how people that you've never met before felt so real..

May the people that you've found here last for a lifetime <3

Lol you really read this post, huh. Here's a lil reward for you

https://youtu.be/Vze8HEGNKGQ

i used to laugh so hard to this lmao. Hope this makes u smile a lil bit. We can't be sad all the time, yk? :)

Love, Just another stranger.