Yeah, so... As you can tell from the title, I have problems. One that never seem to go away no matter how much professional help I get. Throughout my life after 6th grade, I've struggled with getting any friends at all and while I have 3 good friends now, I don't exactly trust them with my emotions nor do I trust them with my feminine side. I'm not saying they'd get mad at me for it, I just... Don't feel right being more feminine around them.

Anyways... Yeah I've struggled with friends and relationships alike. Just a little under a year ago I got out of an extremely emotionally abusive relationship and it still haunts me to this day and if while my therapist has helped me lift some of the guilt off my chest, there's still quite a bit left that I feel like he can't help... I just... Miss the feeling of being wanted that my ex gave me despite the fact that she also yelled at me a lot and blamed me for a lot of thibgs including why our relationship failed. And no this isn't a plea for someone to "love" love me. I just... Want a friend who's energetic and able to force me out of this shell I've created. Someone who can make me not feel afraid to be me. Someone who supports me. Someone who really means "I won't leave you" and even maybe someone to just play games with sometimes... I know that's a lot to ask for but after the years of constant trial and error with people leaving me nearly immediately over my lack in conversational skills or leaving me over my emotional problems has left me desperately wanting something.

Though.... I feel really bad for saying this but I really prefer more feminine representing or NB people to help me with this... I've had alot of unfun experiences with cis guys mostly that make me very hesitant to trust them. I... Feel extremely horrible saying that I'm sorry but I for once in my life want to put my comfort first and I really hope that's understandable, though it probably isn't and again I'm really sorry.