Hey y’all, I am a 30 year old that has always been responsible his whole life. I take care of my mom since I was 15 and do the best I can for her. My siblings are all divided we don’t talk much, I went through a horrible divorce (being married was the happiest time of my whole life honestly) I thought I was gonna be with someone forever. I am a male that is gay but also a Christian (pretty sad huh? I feel so conflicted because I love church and everything but I know it says all that is completely wrong) sometimes I just wish I was someone else and (normal) straight. I am in weekly therapy and take meds…,but the last two years moving back home I started hitting up some mutual people and starting using meth. I have a full time job, my own place, my own vehicle and I pay my bills like I should. I just find my gateway to escape is to smoke it. Specifically on the weekends. I am being very blessed so far but I feel like I am just a complete failure. I was always the “good child” I never messed up in school or anything. I hang out occasionally with a good group of friends and keep my circle small. I just want to know does it really get better if I decide to get sober? Or will my internal feelings get the best of me? I’m sorry if this is too long just need some advice. I hate the fact that people in life that do wrong, have a higher power in position, or use people how they get away in life and us honest people suffer. Idk life is a trip. I did not ask to be born :/ I am so over being tired of life and seeing the hate and everything around me.