I used to live in a house my exhusband owned. I got into an abusive relationship right after my divorce and within that 6 years (I left that man a year before this all happened), the house became a cluttered, disgusting mess due to my extreme depression because of that relationship.

Here’s where it gets “mindfuck-y”. I almost died in that house in September. It caught fire and my sons got out before I did (so thankful for that). I almost died from smoke inhalation. I was sedated and on a respirator for 4 days and in the hospital for 6. I cannot figure out what is true.

I have a distinct memory of sitting on the couch in that house, holding my cat, thinking that I would give up anything to get myself out of that house that I hadn’t found a way of getting away from. Days later, I remember feeling like I should let my cat outside (he was an inside only cat) and take important Christmas ornaments to my detached garage. I ended up doing neither. I lost my cat and those ornaments in that fire. What boggles me is that I don’t know if I had a premonition that something (the fire) was going to happen or if my brain came up with all of those “memories” while I was sedated in the hospital. It fucks with me, because, if I did have that premonition and would have acted on it, my beloved cat would still be alive.