I’ve been holding this secret for far too long. It’s not something I ever planned, but it’s something I’ve known for a while now. For four years, I’ve been with her, my girlfriend. She’s amazing, sweet, everything anyone could ask for in a partner. But there’s something that’s been quietly building inside me, something I’ve been terrified to confront: I think I’m gay.

It’s hard to even say out loud, even in my head. Every time I think about it, the weight of the lie I’ve been living gets heavier. I’ve always been the kind of person who wants to make others happy, to keep everything smooth and uncomplicated. I guess that’s why I’ve been hiding this part of myself. I don’t want to blow up my life or hers. And what if everyone else finds out? The judgment, the whispers. My career, my friends, my family... I can’t imagine them seeing me differently.

I’m a personal trainer, a guy who’s always looked like he’s got it together. At the gym, in front of clients, I’m the confident, strong guy. But at home, after a long day of work, when I have a moment to myself, it’s different. She’s down the hall, working at her office, and I’m scrolling through social media, secretly finding comfort in gay communities online. It feels like a little piece of me, like a secret world where I can be me, even if just for a few minutes.

I hate myself for not being able to say this to her. She’s been nothing but supportive, caring. But how do I tell her? How do I tell anyone? I don’t want to hurt her, or make her feel like the last four years have been a lie. And yet, here I am, trapped between two worlds — one where I’m pretending to be something I’m not, and another where I’m too scared to even step into fully.

Maybe one day, I’ll find the courage to face the truth. But for now, I’m just... stuck and it sucks.