Inspired by this!

I'm Helu from the Department of Interspecies Interaction of Venlil Prime, and I sorely wish I didn't have to write this. But certain individuals have decided that I was getting too much rest and to annoy the Humans to such an extent that I have started taking complaint calls at home. The situation has devolved to a point where I am not even being checked on what I'm writing, so I feel informality is called for in this public service announcement.

Hence, instead of going into detail about any of the incidents, I will provide the list of rules to follow, as well as personal commentary in order to get the point across.

1. Do Not Ask a Human to Carry You Somewhere - Humans are not a transportation service, even if a significant portion of them WOULD carry you somewhere if you asked. They likely went out with a plan for the paw, they do not need you disrupting that schedule with your own.
2. Do Not Ask a Human to Do Manual Labor for You - Same as above. They likely have their own job with it's own demands on them, they do not need someone adding more to it. Asking one to get something off a high shelf for you during a grocery run is fine, asking them to load merchandise just to save yourself the effort is not.
3. Do Not Follow a Human to Their Home or Shelter - I know we can all get caught up in herding instinct sometimes, but pay attention to where you're going and with who. If you're visiting a friend, it's fine, but please do not ask a Human who just met you that paw to welcome you in, it makes them nervous.
4. Do Not Take Random Humans Home - Just because they're walking down the street at odd hours does not mean that they are homeless or lost. DO NOT take random Humans off the street, we need to know where the refugees are and citizens abducting them, abductees being willing notwithstanding, makes that difficult.
5. Leave the Human Pups Alone - Humans are Pack Predators, that means they're VERY protective of their pups. If you see a Human pup and no Human adult nearby, report to law enforcement, not the Exterminators or us, and for Solgalick's sake, do not take the pup. It may lost or abandoned, it may not be, either way is for the proper authorities to handle, NOT random citizens.
6. Do Not Bother Random Humans With Questions - The UN put out a Q&A, if you're question isn't answered by that, put in a personal request with either the UN or us. Do not, I repeat for clarity, do not lay into a random Human for answers. They probably do not have them, and even if they do, it is not their job to give you them. That is OUR job, it is what we get paid for, it is what we schedule our paw around. Ask us, not random people just trying to go about their paw.
7. Do Not Try to Rank Your Humans - This one baffles me. Both that it's an issue at all, and that the Exchange Program participants would indulge in this. Humans are people, not a game of Forts. Do not try to compare them like they are, it makes them nervous.
8. Do Not Ask Out Random Humans on the Street - I know that Humans have been trying their best to match our reputation for interspecies amorousness, but that does not mean ALL of them are receptive. Go through your usual courting avenues, not random Humans on the street.
9. Do Not Call the Exterminators for Everything - Yes, Humans have Predator eyes, no that does not mean they are going to attack you. When that Human cut ahead of you in line, they were just being rude, or not paying attention. They were NOT showing dominance or claiming you. When that Human got behind you in line, they were NOT getting ready to ambush you or, again, claim you.
10. Do Not Ask Random Humans to Groom You - Yes, Humans being pack Predators make them social animals like us. Yes, most will probably say yes and not think much of it, but try to understand that only certain types of grooming are a social thing, while other types are more intimate in nature to them. Flopping on your back and asking one you met that paw to groom any wool in the area of your rear or from your chest down to your belly has a high likelihood of making them nervous, especially if you ask them to groom further down than that.

That's everything the department has been dealing with lately, but I'm sure there's more that's yet to come. In the mean time, I will impart a few final pieces of advice;

If you want to take a Human home, take it up with the hosting program or local orphanage, try to remember that the Big Strong Scary Predator pays taxes like you, keep the Exterminators out of it, stick to your bars and apps for new experiences, Humans are generally a nervous bunch, and please let us sleep.