Hey everyone.

I have been in recovery since January 11, 2020...so, pulling up on three years soon.

Recently, my life has taken an EXTREME turn for the better. I graduated college, got my dream job, am proposing to my partner soon, finally got off of probation, and am moving into my first place with said partner.

I cannot put into words how proud I am of myself. But, every day, I stray further and further away from the girl I was in active addiction. Of course, I am so grateful for this...but I fear forgetting about her, too.

A large part of my active addiction and early recovery centered on my feelings of unworthiness. I had a difficult time accepting good things because I had convinced myself that I did not deserve them.

Now, I have good things...a lot of good things. I would argue that I am in a better emotional and financial position than most of my peers who have not been through what I have.

When I was 19, the life I have now felt like my wildest dream. I never, ever thought I would be in the position I am now.

I have not been to a meeting in a long time, but I remember feeling so jealous of those who had these "problems." While others were dealing with their life being "too good," I was in the middle of a court case at 19. Man, did I wanna drop kick these people. Now, I get it.

I just feel so, so overwhelmed and am experiencing a severe case of "imposter syndrome." Honestly, sometimes I still feel like that 19-year-old kid who thought she would never be good enough for anyone or anything. I don't even know where to begin with expressing these emotions...those who are close to me today view me as a pillar of strength. In my friends' and families' eyes, I am not RECOVERING...I am RECOVERED.

I don't know if I'm there yet and, truthfully, I think I'm starting to learn that maybe recovery never really "ends."

Thanks for listening.