My husband is currently out walking the streets in the city we live, in the rain, because I found a Meth pipe in his pocket and he wouldn't show it to me.

My 32 year old husband just ran away from me, our two kids and his mother because he couldn't look me in the eye and say "I'm addicted to speed."

He's done every despicable thing to gaslight and torture me into believing that he's not on drugs. I've had to stop and actually ask myself if it's possible that he's drugged me in the last year?

I caught him cheating on me a year ago this month. We've been in court for emergency hearings and our kids are so despondent. They aren't doing well with anything. I took them to my dad's house in the mountains last year for four months while my husband sought mental health treatment.

I feel stupid for trusting him. I feel afraid of him. I'm scared that he's going to snap and get violent or provoke me into a fight.

He's having severe delusions of persecution and visual and auditory hallucinations. I've been with him to hospitals, doctor appointments, even a sleep study. He's been blaming all of this on psychosis from quitting effexor cold turkey a year ago.

What he describes to me when he isn't in this crazed state is straight up psychosis. He has about a day and a half of clarity, in which I try to get him to let me take him to a hospital, or his regular doctor so we can stop the psychosis. He seems like he's okay and tells me of upcoming appointments. Two days ago he screamed at me that he wanted to kill himself and then called a crisis line and told them I was after him.

I don't feel like I know who I am any more. This man I've been with for eight years has lost his sense, his feelings and his heart. It is torture to watch him ripping his beard out one whisker at a time with his fingers. He doesn't even realize that he's doing it.

I don't know your whole story, but is there anything that someone could have said to you to bring you back from that place?

Did people tell you that they care about you and want to help? Did anyone ever confront you?

These may be clichés for some who've been through it or seen it, but I need a way to find support here. I'll go to meetings myself just to unwind my mind from him.

He may well be the addiction I can't see I have that is bound to kill me.