Hello everyone out here with N1 or N2. I am in the worst spot in my life and just need to vent.

I developed N1 at the ripe age of 46 - I know, older than most but I seemed to have dodged a bullet for most of my life. I am a clinical pharmacist and was taking care of a sick 4yr old with a viral infection. Two weeks later, I developed a viral infection and then two weeks later, I stopped sleeping. Was finally diagnosed and started on a regimen of medications none of which seemed to help.

I wasn’t functioning well and felt my mental capacity decreasing. I became suicidal and admitted myself to a mental hospital. After a two week stay, full medication washout and new regimen started, I was discharged and started a new hospital based position.

Over the course of the next 6 months and medication titration, adverse effects, worsened insomnia, I started to have long and longer periods of automatic behavior that lead to me getting so suicidal that I took home something from work to end it all.

I got home from work, passed out, actually slept and when I woke up, realized what I did. I gave the medication to my ex to dispose of. She wound up going to the hospital and turned me in.

Fast forward almost 9 months later, I have a board hearing for diversion, am about to lose my license, can’t find work because of it, have lost everything I own and filed bankruptcy.

The only benefit to any of this is that I finally got started on Xyrem and am sleeping, actually getting restful sleep. No more automatic behaviors, no side effects of the regimen that lead up to this.

Sorry for the long post, I am just in the worst place and needed to vent 😓😓😓