Been given silent treatment since Friday and it’s killing me inside.

My bf (47m) and I (35f) got into an argument that spiraled into a million arguments and me crying my eyes out, totally lost and confused as usual along with him telling me I’m crazy and need help, etc. For the past year or so he has been noticeably less affectionate and intimate towards me. There is always an excuse. Sometimes he claims it causes him pain, sometimes he says maybe he has low testosterone, other times he says he’s bored of sex, he’s HAD enough sex in his life. But… I checked his laptop for the first time EVER in our relationship back in July. Something in my gut just told me to do it. I found searches for porn and even women he personally knows, texts to an ex girlfriend saying awful things about me among other hurtful things.

He has never apologized or taken accountability. He lies on top of lies.

It’s an unresolved issue and I bring it up every so often because WTF?? and he gets so defensive and horrible towards me. He says it’s not normal for couples to hug and kiss everyday, that he doesn’t have to tell me he loves me everyday (he never does anyway), that him coming home to me should be good enough.

I spoke up (finally) and told him I need more. He keeps repeating “I don’t know what you want me to say” and my reply is so simple!

“Compliment me. Fuck me. Tell me you love me.”

He just flat out refuses. A whole month will go by and I wait and wait and wait but nothing.

It’s obvious he is doing this on purpose. He knows how bad it hurts me. How desperately I want to be kissed and loved and complimented but he refuses!!!!!! Why!!!!!! How can he be so fucking cruel and heartless to do that?

I just cry everyday. I am at my lowest low I’ve ever been. My mom died one year ago on December 12th and I can’t deal with this. I’m physically and emotionally paralyzed yet I still have to be a mom and pretend to be happy and merry when all I want to do is disappear.

I hate him for making me feel this way. He’s laying beside me now just ignoring me!!!! Back to me??!!

He knows it’s like being stabbed in the heart for me but he just doesn’t even care. He can sleep soundly while I silently weep.

This is the worst most evil mental torture. The worst part is that I left my ex husband because of this EXACT behavior. Why did this happen to me again?