TLDR - a narcissist isn't even capable of enjoying casual hookups without turning them into narcissistic abuse and manipulation

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I was just looking for a sexual fling or long term casual lover & went on Tinder. Women are constantly complaining that they hook up with guys who are claiming to want something long term and committed, but then when they get with the guys they are so heartbroken when they learn the guys only wanted sex. Guys like that are a dime a dozen right? So - I found this guy who was actually advertising that he was in an open relationship and just looking for sex, nothing serious. I thought that would be awesome - to just be completely honest about it and enjoy it!

I got with Brian and we were enjoying things as planned. He was in a long-term relationship with a woman who lives a couple hours away and she was spending weekends with him. We were having lots of great sex 1-2 times during the week, & then he started acting like I was using him and victimizing him somehow!! I swear I did nothing to make him feel victimized. I'm not a sadist, not into BDSM or anything like that! He pretended like he was falling in love with me. He started wanting me to just hang out with him, and I felt sorry for him and started spending more time with him. It wasn't fun spending time with him, because the entire time he just talked about himself without stopping. He barely took a breath. We only watched shows he wanted to watch, only listened to music he wanted to listen to. He's an amazing cook but he would say we would have dinner and his ADHD would get in the way and he'd never finish making dinner until 11:00 at night. I'm an adult with a career. I can't stay that late twice a week during the week!

I learned that his girlfriend (Nikki) was providing him with a lot of financial support. He has a part time job and raises cattle, and she was paying for his farming equipment and helping him with his mortgage etc. They'd been together for 4 years and he told me several times about yelling at her, fighting with her all the time. He said they never had sex and insinuated she wanted to but he didn't.

About 3 months in, he started saying mean things to me. When I told him I didn't like him talking to me that way, I got mountains of texts about how he was "such a piece of shit," "so worthless," etc. - basically acting like I'd attacked him and he was defending himself from me. It was like he wanted me to apologize for not allowing him to be mean to me. He was just constantly acting like a victim.

The sex was still awesome but things got to the point where, for every time we had a great time together, we'd have to have two miserable times together. A few days ago I was going over to "just hang out." Since hanging out at his house is miserable, I offered to take him out to dinner instead. When I got to his house he wasn't ready to go and I learned he and his girlfriend were broken up for good. As soon as we got on the road he started insulting me and basically broke up with me (which he's done several times but then just acts like he never did). He continued the abuse throughout dinner and the whole way home so I dropped him off, told him it was over, and left.

The next morning he texted a chipper happy message and I reminded him of the things he'd said. Then he told me he'd seriously considered suicide the night before but hadn't done it because his nephews were coming to spend the weekend with him and he didn't want them to find his body. So he said he's going to shoot himself as soon as they leave. I said "OK. I'll call Nikki and your mom and see if they can get you a psych admit. Goodbye, Brian." Then he texted lots of frantic pleas for me to not call his mom (he's 47 by the way) because his dad is sick and that will "put him right over the edge". Note - he didn't ask me not to call Nikki. I'm sure it's because he wants to hoover her back in. I answered "Oh - and your suicide won't hurt him? Stop the bullsh#& Mother F&*(er" and have not responded to any texts since. I sent a short email to Nikki, just in case he's serious. I doubt he is because she didn't email back. He's probably put her through this before.

Here are the messages I've got from him since I stopped answering yesterday morning:

"Wow. You DO hate me"

"This is why I try not to fall in love"

Whether you ever believe me or not I had fallen in love with you"

" "Mother F&*er" (then lots of crying faces) "

"Promise to leave them out of it. Please baby" (referring to his parents)

"I love you" (first time he's ever said that)

"You're not the only one with emotional scars and abandonment issues and feeling defensive and hurt. Doesn't excuse my behavior doesn't excuse my moods, but I don't talk about it as much, but I also have been abandoned and hurt and betrayed by everyone I ever tried to care for. And it certainly has left me with scars."

"So I guess I'm completely dead to you now?"

"Nothing??????"

"Good morning. I'm sorry for all my faults and words. Have a wonderful ride" (he thinks I'm on a horse riding vacation with my friends)

"Just for the record, my feelings for you are legitimate, and despite my moods, and otherwise, my feelings for you, and I know that I've hurt you and my feelings for you are legitimate. Just because you may not want to be intimate with me anymore, never meant that I won't absolutely help put in that waterline. We always said that we would be friends and that we would care for each other. So please know even though your angry and it's my fault I absolutely am still there and I will absolutely still want to help you put in that waterline"

We had a deal that if I let him take hay off my property he'd help me install a water line to my barn. I just had the hay baled and it's ready for him to pick up. I really do want running water in my barn....I'm considering tolerating him until the line's in, even though I know it's just him hoovering. He thinks I'm on a vacation with my friends right now and that I'll be back on Tuesday.

Thanks for letting me vent - I can't really talk about any of this with my friends or family.