I know I prob sound like a broke record but when I say I’m literally in the WORSE situation in my life rn it’s crazy. I feel like I don’t even own myself. I feel trapped. I don’t have a life rn. A life that I want to live. I’m tired of my worth being tied to how much money I make or what I do. I’m tired of the elitism/classism. I want out this type of life but can’t. I’ve been still applying to jobs like crazy but it’s been a month since I moved out my apartment and nothing. My mom says I can’t stay in her house “living off the fat of the land” while she’s slaving. She said I can work for her and she’s pay a lot (it pretty high an hour) but* I have to sigh a contract and have to work for her for 2 months and I can’t escape. Smh. She said I need about atleast $8000 before I I go back out on my own. Omfg. I know she’s going to hold this over my head too . And you know the said thing is,it wouldn’t even but smart to decline that because nobody else is paying that much and I have no income whatever so I could leave if I wanted to. The only other option would be to find a shelter to stay in if i finally find a low paying job and just save up from there but that wouldn’t make sense. I’m so tired of her belittling me and infanticing me. Controlling my every move, how I spend my money, how I eat, what I do, how I do it. I told y’all I wouldn’t have a life if I had to move back home. Honestly this might sound not smart a dumb, but I didn’t care about saving up before moving back out. As long as I had a job. Idk I want out. Also I’m tired of getting reminded that I’ll never succeed without her and never know without her. It’s also so weird because she pretty much acts like I’ve failed. She’ll say stuff like “I spoiled you” and how she should’ve been a better parent and that’s why I’m like the way I am. Also she’ll go to to store or a restaurant etc and compare me to the teenagers working or the new graduates and say “ I spoke to a young girl there and she’s working 3 jobs to make it” I’m just like ok?. Like Why are u comparing?!? And she’s telling people my business and having them chip in on their insight and when I tell get to stop telling my business, she gets all defensive and says, you don’t hang any business, you’re business is my business. SMH. It’s just a toxic ass mess.