I’ve been so pissed off the last day and filled with rage. I can’t believe this is happening to me and this is my life. I feel like ive been cursed or someone praying on my downfall. A little about my situation, im 24, graduated from college 2 years ago, moved out of state to Texas to live on my own because I cannot live with my covert narc mother. The 2 years I’ve been here I’ve been job hopping like crazy and been struggling financially. I also struggle with severe mental illnesses. My mom has been having to help me pay rent for the last 6 months. She’s carrying that over my head and using it against me to control my life. I feel like a child again. Stuck in a box. Long story short, my lease is up and I move out in a week. I finally found a job after 6 months and planned to move into a new apartment. Out of the blue they decided to fire me after 3 weeks while in training!! No reason!!! (Not getting into that) but that job was my life line to stay away from home. Now I’ve been panicking going crazy and suicidal because I have to go back and stay with my mom with no job or money and it’s going to be extra extra hell. Idk what to do. I’m pissed tf off and don’t have time. I can’t believe this is happening. The timing is crazy and I’m not ok. I can’t not go back to live with her and I don’t have family or friends here to stay with. Places and rooms are high af to rent and I don’t have money anyways. Only other option would to be forgetting about an apartment and getting a padsplit but I’m nervous to live with a lot of other people. But she says that she’s not going to help me and what I’m doing with my life isn’t working and I just need to come home. It’s like she’s constantly telling be I can’t be successful without her. And she keeps reminding me of that. And then I can’t help to think that the universe is trying to tell me she’s right too. Almost like I’m born to be her abuse puppet to fulfill her destiny of being in control. Every decision I make turns to failure and it’s scary. I don’t have faith in anything. I just wanna kms so this will all be over. Only way out.