next week would be our two year anniversary. It was only three weeks ago I (33F) wrote him (31M) a letter explaining how he has mistreated and abused me and that he had to leave. I ended up losing my job the following week and he said he would support me/us through this time (he has an excellent job, I am struggling to make ends meet).

I don't know where to begin with his behavior... on my birthday in June he picked a fight with me at end of the night saying I gave him attitude the whole night and he shoved me.

I blame a lot of his aggression and abuse on his history of substance use, alcohol and some coke. When we started dating for the first year and half he was drinking a lot, which I participated in somewhat. Coke was not frequent but I said when we started dating I did not want that in my life and he promised he wouldn't then progressively started fights with me. Eventually I gave up fighting him on it. He did it maybe once or twice a month with some gaps .

He wanted to seek out another woman into our relationship and told me it showed a sense of trust. I don't want to go into detail about all of that but the conversations frequently involved him being aggressive or annoyed with me when trying to work through the details because he said I didn't act excited. He would often hold off involving me til it "mattered" meaning there was someone who might be interested. This made me feel like I was a pawn in the procress and simultanouesly our intimacy was not what I expected - great sex but little interest in wanting to make me feel special or appreciated in general in other ways too.

I felt like he was more concerned with the adventurous ideas of our relationship than me and my needs. I told him to delete his tinder he was using to talk to other women because I felt like it was taking away from focusing on me to which he replied "you're wrong, but sure i'll do it because you want me to"

steadily our intimacy decreased and my attempts at initiating met with hostility, sometimes to the point he jump out of bed and yell at me. I would try lingerie and he would brush it aside uninterested. eventually he said "i'm going through something" and act like I was pressuring him. I thought he might be cheating on me but I did not see any evidence. it was more like withholding.

He claimed our fighting was killing his libido. and his attitude about fighting was that I always fight him, I make him feel like the enemy so it turns him off. He would tell me it would turn him on if I took "ownership"

He also would say stuff like "just because we're not fighting doesn't mean I'm happy." Weeks and weeks of him finding ways to tell me how unhappy he is with me and how he will probably leave someday. He complains about how he is "horny" but can't seem to get turned on by me because of our "baggage."

I finally work up the energy to tell him to leave - it's taken such a toll on my mental health. I already struggle with depression - I can't think clearly my imagination is nearly dead.

all the while he is in the middle of a new lifestyle shift, he is basically sober. not drinking and no drugs. he is working out very consistently. this seems to really impact his mood and receptivity to me.

He also is acting very apologetic. I told him how he has completely messed up our relationship he wakes me up this morning saying he is so sorry for everything. He is willing to give me the space I need and support me however he can, he doesn't want to date anyone else, and he will go to therapy.

I still struggle however to have a conversation with him about what has already happened because he's not willing to take accountability -he says my communication caused a lot of the problems. He says my freezing and fawning triggered him.

I struggle with some physical illness and depression - he makes these issues about himself and says I direct it at him which leads to him getting angry with me. He said my PTSD came between us, for example too.

Meanwhile my support system of friends are begging me to end this and can see very clearly how I might be sucked back in. which I feel myself especially right now because he is sober and willing to be supportive during a difficult time. I do genuinely think - this is different, he is being different and better. And I feel enormous amount of guilt for both enduring and not believing that it could be different.

We have a lot of common interests and he is intellectually stimulating in a way I really enjoy. He has a career and goals, and is suppotive of mine.

It's very confusing. I don't want to give this up - in my mind the remedy is space and he goes to therapy for awhile, we rehabilitate the relationship. again my friends think he is a malignant narc abuser. A lot of his tactics are covert. I am very out of touch with my anger too - His anger is very unstable, although again better sans alcohol/drugs.

My friends insist I shouldn't be around him at all while we sort out living situatuon but I can't work up those feelings. So confusing.

What do I need to hear or read to end it for good even if things feel better, different or okay right now?