If the love was fake, why did it feel so intense? He watched and focused on me harder than anyone else ever did - showed him a selfie once and he figured out where I worked based on tiny tags in the background and I felt... weirded out but at the same time he had a VESTED interest in every detail about me and my day. It was more than anyone else had ever done.

He’d ask so many things and would remember them. And seem interested in all my activities and friends. Was this care or control? Because I can’t tell the difference and part of me wants it to be control but part of me is sad it’s gone.

He always told me in the beginning he was trying to act more like someone i wanted him to be, and then did that for a short time and then that changed when I liked him. He seemed slightly insecure, but sweet and tried to shape himself into something I liked. Them when he felt like he had me he changed into someone condescending, mean, and cruel - but still vested in my day and vested in me, just differently and more mean half the time.

He also was highly competitive and jealous of other men, whether they were threats or not and arrogantly denied it and said they weren’t good enough for me. He also complimented me and called me amazing and wonderful and smart, but still jokingly criticized everything I did and everything that I am. I’m distraught and confused...

Then again, he’d always bait me into situations where I’d need to praise or beg him, or try to win him... Idk. It was stressful doing that. I’d beg for him to stop or try to ignore it but he kept bothering me.

He always seemed so earnest and sincere, but it was over exaggerated. I can’t tell if this is asperger’s or if it’s actual narcissism. What if I wasn’t abused? What if I was overreacting? What if he actually did care? He always asked me what I was thinking about or feeling, or always try to cheer me up. Why are all these good times overshadowing the bad? Was I wrong about him?