So I’ve known this guy for around 10 years. We have travelled on holiday together on many occasions, done countless trips to lunch, the cinema and hung out. While he’s been great company there have been times when I’ve been left questioning his actions and the way he’s been treating me. This latest instance took place around the end of November last year:

I was talking with a friend and invited him over to mine for pizza this week (he likes those Chicago Town ones which I picked up in advance of today’s date).

I text him to confirm we were still on for tonight and he said yes, but he wanted fresh pizza (not frozen) from Dominos pizza (which is pretty pricey) but anyway I agreed.

I checked and to order two small pizzas and a garlic bread pizza would be £34.00 for delivery. However, if I did collection there was a offer for buy one get on free (any size). So two medium pizzas and garlic bread would be £26.00.

I live 0.5 miles from the pizza place. It’s a 12 minute walk or a 5 minute drive at most. I said to my friend I’d be happy to walk there collect the pizzas , let him know I was walking back and by the time he arrived I would be getting home (he lives about a 15 min drive away). He complained he didn’t want cold pizza. I said the pizza wouldn’t be cold. I suggested I could still collect, he could pick me up (a few mins further for him to drive) and we could drive back with the pizza loosing very little heat.

He replied to say “You take all the enjoyment out of a take away and visit’ and also added since I was gifted some money for a recent birthday and sold some stuff on eBay. I should just pay the extra for the delivery. Then he signed off the message telling me to enjoy my frozen pizza (the Chicago town ones).

Since I would have been footing the entire bill, I just wanted to save money on what I think is expensive pizza to begin with,

The next day following this incident, we texted back and forth with no mention of it. It reached the weekend and on the Sunday I mentioned I was heading to the Supermarket. On a Monday I normally go to his house and we would take it in turns to get dinner (it was going to be my turn). I asked if we were still doing dinner / TV at his and did he have anything in mind?

He replied via text the following exchange

Him : The situation remains the same as last week Me: You want Pizza? Him: Dominoes

Now when I go to his place I get dinner for him and his partner (we each take it in turns) we have had pizza at his before which I’ve ordered from a local place for all 3 of us, with no issues

Me: I’m not getting Dominos for all 3 of us, it’s too expensive. I can order from the local place we have used twice this year, if that’s no ok, assuming it’s going to be a continuing problem.

He never replied to that message and was clearly still in a huff about it.

There was no contact between my friend and me for the rest of the year. I didn’t want to get in touch because I was so annoyed at his behaviour and the way he reacted. I also was pretty sure he wouldn’t get in touch himself because on past occasions in our 10 year history I’ve always made the first move. I didn’t bother to buy him a Christmas present, wish him a happy new year and neither did he.

After a lot of thinking I decided one way or another I had to let him know how I felt. I sent the following message about 3 days ago.

Hi, when you chose to give me the silent treatment last November over what I assume was not ordering Dominos pizza. I felt it was really childish and I was very angry you reacted in such a way. This is why I didn’t contact you or feel I had to make a ‘First move’ to try and gloss over what had happened, as I have done on past occasions. I spent many a night before sleeping and when out walking questioning and weighting the good and bad times shared. If I’m honest this did result in recalling other occasions when you had strops and punished me for sleights or things that wouldn’t warrant that sort of behaviour. That been said, there has been many a time when I’ve really enjoyed your company and the experiences shared, places travelled and the countless lunches/dinners and cinema trips we have done. If you want to talk about what happened further give me a call.

He replied an hour later with the following message:

Thanks for getting in touch-it was a small thing but I thought as a close friend I was worth the effort or expense of a dominos pizza-it just made me feel valueless and insignificant as you know if you wanted it you’d get it from me. Money should never get in the way of friendship after the length of time we have known each other and things we did-something like this should never really happen.

After getting this reply I was very unhappy. There was no apology, accountability, it just turned it back onto me. I didn’t reply and an hour later he followed up, with a screenshot and two further messages. The screenshot was from a card I gave him years ago (maybe at least 5 years?) it was when we had fallen out and I had sent a card saying let’s still be friends. The two text messages said

What really rocked me was a card I found from you from ages ago, made me even more sad. But it will be good to have a chat and move on.

Other people believe he’s gas lighting me. I’m pretty sure he’s not going to change. I did debate calling him yesterday evening but decided not too. I’m pretty sure we won’t recover from his split...