I havent wanted to ask this question but the further I get away from him the more I question our relationship and whether what I thought was just us being kinky was more sinister. I first noticed my nex would not allow me to kiss him when we were intimate. In fact, it was rare that he would kiss me during sex. If I would try he would pull away or pull my hair so I couldn't kiss him & I felt like he enjoyed denying me that becauseI at time I'd see him smirk. He began telling me to "shut the fuck up" during sex. I wasn't allowed to make a sound. Once we were about to be intimate and he stopped, said sex with me didn't satisfy him and left. Other times he would say he could control my body, whether I wanted him or not. I can't get the wording he used right but that was the gist of what he said.

What really has me worried was orgasm control. I don't know when exactly it started but he would go for extended periods of time either fingering me or performing oral sex & not allow me to orgasm. I started to notice I'd get into almost a trance like state where I didn't realize I was starting to orgasm and he would simply say " nuh-uh" or "go back under" and my orgasm would stop. Whenever I was finally allowed to orgasm he would usually want doggy style and would be rough...often I would bleed a little or pass tissue.

He's wanted sex 2 weeks or so after I miscarried. I believe in part because a male friend from junior high saw me in the grocery store & knew something was up and offered to come by and just take me for a drive. I had been in the house with no car and the nex had left for days with no word. He showed up as I was leaving and tried to bully me into not going. Then kept texting me telling me he knew where I was and that he thought I had higher standards. I came back literally less than an hour later and he wanted sex that night...this time he actually did kiss me. But disregarded the fact i was still in pain from just having a D& C.

I'm sorry if this is tmi.