TW for rape

I'm thinking about everything that happened and I'm feeling really disgusted with myself right now. I'm 30 weeks pregnant with his baby and it's really hard to walk, everything hurts and I'm so alone. All my friends are gone and he has a house full of fools except this one woman (I think he likes her, I pray she runs) and one guy (he sees through him so he's gonna get beat up).

The abuse didn't really start until after I was pregnant, so I was just laying around and not really doing anything and worst of all I wasn't having sex. It really started because I never felt like having sex and despite me saying no, he would coerce me into sex and get me high for sex. He basically raped me more than we had consentual sex. Most of the times we had sex I was high out of my mind on meth.

I just feel like a terrible person for letting it happen and since I've been raped by other people anyways it kinda feels like my fault for making a big deal. Lol