Happy weekend everyone. Not really sure where to seek advice with this but, I figured this is worth a try.

Long story short my partner of almost a year now is separated from her ex, they are coparenting. When her and I first met their marriage was already done. Since then there have been some very weird situations and I’m kinda at a breaking point with how to handle it. Here are a few examples and I understand they might not be a lot of context with them.

1. He had randomly shown up to a bar that my friends and I visit on a regular basis. Minutes after we got there. He claimed it was to meet a date, but we were pretty much the only people there with my friends and new partners friends. He left without an argument.

2. He would pick fights with her at times that he knew she was with me and text her non stop.

3. They had to take a trip together a few months ago. During the trip he made it a known statement that they should focus on their child and the trip for the child and stay off their phones- not a big deal. But she would call me or text me when he wasn’t around and complain how he is just on his phone. One of those nights she calls me and shortly he enters the room and starts arguing with her about her being on the phone. But he could be on his.

4. For my birthday, which he knew it was. He used co parenting for her to watch their child so he could work hence she had to bail on me for child care. Then hours later he contacts her at night and said she should have been with me and he will watch their child. It was already 9pm on that date.

5. For her birthday I threw a big surprise dinner party for her and had friends join. She had to switch a night of child care for this. Then one day later after the dinner we were suppose to fly out of country for a birthday vacation I planned. He choose the following day after the dinner party and night before to make a big deal of official filing for divorce. He knew about the dinner, but not the true reason and knew we were flying out because of the week we would be gone.

6. He uses the ploy of co parenting and how much he does to not have her make any changes to plans even if things are fluctuating. But has no issue him changing plans because he needs to work.

7. He has made comments of sacrifices he has done for her to maintain other relationships, including her and I’s.

8. He would tell her he wants to meet me because of their child custody. But I’ve realized what he says to her is “I’m thinking about thinking of meeting him such and such date” but then days later back tracks and says he only said he would think about thinking about it.

I don’t question his parenting skills, what he does or how. But it’s tarting to create conflict in my relationship.He seems to create this chaos Before some type of significant event. I’ve tried to express this to her and she says it is to maintain co parenting. But it seems to be deeper than that. What can I do or express myself in these situations that have an affect on me? Is he being “covert nice guys narcissist? Feedback I’ve received d from her friends that he had always been difficult to deal with. That he isn’t easy to get along with or work with. They have expressed he is no friends and is more of a loner and can’t maintain relationships.