Hi all. This is my first time posting here so I will try to make this as succinct as possible. As most stories with narcissistics go, there are a lot of personal layers and nuances.

My grandma had been sick for quite some time and went into hospice care about two weeks ago. My aunt and her husband were taking care of her. My mom, who is a pastor's wife, and the narcisst in this story, has not lifted a finger to help my aunt with my grandma in the past few years. My aunt also has a ex partner who has been a part of our family for years who is now trans. For the sake of this story, we'll call him Antonio. My mom has held a grudge against Antonio for years, refusing to be at any family functions if he would be there, always dead naming him, demonizing my aunt for still wanting to include him in things, etc. This all reached a breaking point over the last 2 weeks.

My Grandma fell ill in hospice and became unresponsive. It was clear that my mom wasn't going to be there to stay with Grandma, so my aunt and I took shifts over the week sitting with Grandma until she passed.

My Mom threw a fit at the funeral that Antonio was there. She made a point to sit in the middle of the area reserved for family so everyone would have to sit around her and didn't move the entire day, basically monopolizing the room with the casket from everyone else. She was hateful and rude to everyone the whole day.

As the service started, I made a point to go through and hug all of the family members, INCLUDING Antonio, in front of everyone. During the service the pastor asked if anyone wanted to say anything. I decided to go up and talk about how Grandma was a godly woman and how she loved fiercely. I started quoting scripture. I used the verses in Matthew where Jesus says "if you only love those who love you then what good is that?" I went on to talk about how grandma loved people despite their race, religion, where they were from, or their sexual orientation. And I made sure to throw that last part towards my parents. They perked up when they heard me about to quote scripture and then were SO disappointed when they realized it was being used against them. I looked over, and my aunt and Antonio were grinning from ear to ear. I closed by saying that my grandma was a shining example of the real love of god and we could all do better and be like her.

After the service, I did my thing with my parents and then while Mom was sitting there I walked over to Antonio and gave him a big hug and told him I loved him right in front of her. She was so pissed, I could feel her eyes on me. They didn't even say anything to me before they left the funeral home.

Yesterday was the burial. After the service but before they had her in the ground. Everyone had walked away except her and my dad. Dad gave me a hug and said "if you want a hug, you'll have to get her", as my mom waddled off in her walker. I asked if she was trying to get away from me and she said yes, to which I just kinda brushed off and said "okay, well I'll see you later" and I tried to hug her and said I love you. She looked at me and said "No you won't, you made your choice". And kept walking. I said "oh, okay, really Christian of you... Pastor's wife and mom of the year!" Loudly after her and she just got in the car. Dad followed her without saying a word.

This is the second time we've been estranged. The first time I was young and went about things in the wrong way, but a lot of the feeling about my mother we're still valid. This one just hurts more than I care to admit. The way she's drawing lines in the sand just for following the scripture she claims to live by... My one saving grace has been my amazing wife and support system. The first time this happened, I was very isolated. This time I have felt very supported by everyone around me. I just needed to share. Any thoughts and good vibes you can send my way would be greatly appreciated. I'm hurting and it feels like I have to grieve this relationship all over again..