I’m with in the first week of finally having ran away from the horrible situation with my ex. The months leading up to my breaking point were very off and on since I kept trying (and failing) to placate to his ego to make things work. Between the gaslighting and the straight up verbal abuse he made me think I was the problem for a long long time.

I do think people can change, but after the horrible evil things he said in our last conversation, I know that he will never change for me. I’m hurting so badly, missing the good times so much that I physically feel ill sometimes. I’ve barely gone an hour or two without having to hold myself back from reaching out. But I’m also really starting to notice the good things, too. No one is telling me I’m worthless or that I shouldn’t exist anymore. I don’t live in fear of saying the wrong thing to trigger his tantrums. My life isn’t spent doing circles, trying to please a man who genuinely never cared.

I doubt this NC will last, I suspect that he may reach out again to try and “mend” things or I may finally break and foolishly enter that sick cycle again. I don’t know that I’ll have the strength to ignore him, but we’ll see. May days are still really hard.