I’m having a breakdown and I’m on a 11 hour drive and I just need to vent. I have no one to talk to. My husband is horrible and so cruel. We kinda broke up mid fight a few minutes ago and I’m trying so hard to not text him and beg for comfort because I can’t stop crying. But I know it’s time to detach. I’m going to make a list of everything he’s done to me to hopefully remind myself that in the end, I will be better off without him. - cheated through all four years we were together. Most recently, he “fell in love” with a girl from another country and I caught him video chatting her. Rather than save his marriage, he ran out to comfort her. Then pinned me on the ground, choked me and said he loved her. I’m still trying to mentally recover from this (i found out less than 3 months ago, the day after our four year anniversary), he tells me I need to get the fuck over it. That he only did it because he couldn’t stand me. (Also, I was letting him have sex with other people as long as he came home to me, another thing he coerced me into during the love bombing phase). - calls me an annoying bitch when I cry and leaves me there. One time while I was in the floor crying bc of the mean things he says, he picked me up by my hair. - says no one wants me because I’m deformed (I have scoliosis) and have a kid. - says I deserve to be alone when I cry because they’re just tantrums. - mocks me, calls my depression and anxiety an excuse. - tells me to stfu when I try to express my feelings. I told him tonight that I wasn’t happy bc of how he speaks to me and treats me, he says I can just leave then and that I’m the problem. I get blamed for literally everything. It’s my fault that he’s mean, abusive, etc. - puts time stamps when we do talk about feelings, “you have ten minutes and when ten minutes is up, I’m leaving the room.” - threw my cat on the ground a couple of years ago. Just to hurt me.

There’s way more but even listing them is painful. It hurts that I’ve let myself be done this way. But I still love him and wish he would I’d treat me with decency. I’m so scared to be alone. I have no friends, no job, nothing. I feel like I’m worthless and a burden to society without him. I feel invisible, like I’m not even a person, much less a woman.

Please, if anyone has gotten through this, please tell me it gets better. I know he will never change.