We've broken up so many times that at this point I don't even know how many. I told her this time there was no coming back. I wouldn't be able to trust her with my heart if she can break it off like this. I've been manipulated, gaslit, and lied to too many times. I want love, trust, affection all the things I've been starved of, not this nightmare. It's been a day so far and I can't even identify what I feel besides numb and exhausted. It'll all get worse soon and I'm not looking forward to it. Now she's pissed off because I can't be friends with her. Every time. She doesn't know that I know about other things she's been doing and hiding. I hate that I'm more in love with her than anyone I've ever dated. This break up just feels too heavy even though I've been here before with her. This time I have like next to no one to talk to. I'm scared I'll cave and talk to her, or I'll hurt myself. I am such a mess, I'm sorry this post is so scattered. I just don't know what to do and needed to get it off my chest

​