I (33F) was seeing a guy (28M) who I suspect is a narcissist or at the very least has some seriously toxic/narcissistic traits. Because he was in my country temporarily, we were never an official couple, but we saw each other consistently for several months. A few months in, I learned he was in a romantic relationship with his roommate as well. I should have ended it right there, but I fell for his stories that he was in a pickle with her and didn’t want to hurt her so he was playing along until he could move out (I know I know I’m a trauma-bonded fool, hindsight is 20/20). So we continued seeing each other behind her back. When he finally left back to his country, I found out he has had a long-term gf there as well! That was the nail in the coffin for me and I ended things and have since gone (mostly) NC with him.

Lately I’ve wanted so badly to reach out to the roommate/gf here in my city. I know it’s a risky move, especially bc I’m one of the bad guys in this story. But I really think she has no clue, and is still in touch with him, and believes he was/is her boyfriend. It could potentially blow up her life if she found out how he used her.

The more I type this out, the more I think it’s a really bad idea, even if I were to somehow let her know anonymously. I think my motives are selfish bc I just want to know what actually happened between them (not his lies he fed me), and get the truth from her.