There are a lot of things about my relationship with my nex that I have/am struggling to come to terms with, including cheating, lies, & just some really awful things he said over the several years since things turned really nasty. I can see now, finally, how horrendous his behaviour was & understand (logically at least) that I didn't deserve to be treated that way. I'm having counselling & also been talking things through with friends which is helping a great deal for me to process everything & I'm confident that I can get my life back. But there are two things I don't know if I'll ever be able to get past ...

The first being that I don't think I'll ever be able to trust another romantic relationship & more t the point, don't think I want to even go there. I'm already sick of everyone giving me the 'plenty more fish' pep talk & just want to be on my own & spend time with friends etc. I'm ok with this, I just wish more people around me were too so they can stop trying to persuade me out of it!!!

The second is certain comments he would make about my weight & appearance. I've never been skinny (I'm just not built that way) but in the last couple of years, mainly due to a long-term health condition that affects my metabolism & ability to both exercise & lose weight, I've gained weight & am the heaviest I've ever been. I am well aware of this & have been doing all I can for years now to eat right & exercise as much as I can but nothing seems to work (although I've recently been started on a new treatment so fingers crossed!) My nex, however, being fully aware of these struggles, would frequently call me fat, ugly, lazy, etc etc. Again, logically I know this was unfair (not least as he was hardly slim himself!) but I can't get it out of my head. Every time I look in the mirror I hate what I see, which was never the case before I met him. & The worst part is, I can't deny that he was right, at least about my weight! I just don't know how to put it aside & start to love myself again as I'm just disgusted with how I look.