I was planning on just dating around and being intimate with a bunch of people. I didn’t want to get attached, I didn’t want to give anyone a chance to see my vulnerable side. But I fucked up and now I have caught very strong feelings for someone who have been nothing but supportive. And I hate how easily triggered I get by every act of kindness they give me. It feels unreal, every time I get anxious and apologize or try to dismiss my feelings they meet with utmost kindness and validation and I have teared up or cried almost every few hours I’m with him. I feel incredibly angry at my ex for being in my brain whenever I get a hug, telling me that he will start hurting me or avoiding me in a matter of few months. I hate that I can’t have a normal relationship with another human and feel whole. I hate that I cant trust my brain and constantly doubt whether I like someone or just being codependent. And finally, Im so afraid that i’ll be left alone, because I cant heal fast enough. That I’m ruining a good relationship with someone kind because I cant trust myself to see the early red flags. I feel like i forget my own boudaries. I wrote them out just for that reason, but I fear that in a month Ill look at them and be like “ mmm maybe those were false boundaries” hhh. Am I doing this right ? Did I jump in too soon? I want to just feel normal and be happy in a healthy relationship. I don’t want to hurt anyone .