My father was abusive, growing up. I kept it all to myself, but they were things that reverberate to this day, and that would have landed him in jail, had anyone known.

My mother is almost certainly a narcissist, who is both controlling and overly critical. Every little thing that could be picked at, was. I’d always correct my behaviors to please her, but she would just find new things to criticize. Whenever I attempted to stand up or speak up for myself, she ran to my dad so he could bully me into submission. I’ve been hit by both, kicked out by both, verbally dressed down by both—called “worthless”, “loser”. I’ve never felt at home with them. There’s always tension or anxiety. I feel utterly alone, most of the time.

My brother took after them, and always agreed with them to gain their favor, which he did. He always knew what buttons to push to feed their egos so he would be rewarded. He’s a self-serving person who hides behind religion to appear “moral” in others’ eyes.

I feel like my time dealing with any single one of them has been a mental battlefield to get through, and it’s left me exhausted and crippled in so many ways. When I leave here, I’m never looking back.

My ex supposedly looked down on me for arguing with my mother, but she didn’t know my mother. My mother is sly. She knows how to play the part of a sweet woman, but if you’d ever heard her regular voice, you’d know how domineering and cruel she actually is. That voice is the most unpleasant I’ve ever known. It fills me with anxiety and dread. She has an undeserved confidence borne out of delusion. She flat-out denies any wrongdoing, or justifies it—“I’m your mother, I can do what I want” (used even to justify hitting).

It’s why I relate so strongly to the story of Matilda. My parents were the furthest thing from nurturing or encouraging. Not since the age of six or so, have I had even a semblance of a bond with them. I would not miss them, nor mourn them. I simply want to start a new life, elsewhere, and forget I ever shared any time at all with such cruel, insensitive human beings.

Blood means nothing. “Family” means nothing. If they cripple you, abuse you, berate you… That’s no family. It’s just another group of people to distance yourself forever from.