I posted here a few weeks ago about my NF learning to set boundaries w 3G (specifically, not screaming or interrupting people, and playing independently.) I realized this was a problem one day when I stayed late and had dinner with them. MB and I were chatting, and 3G started screaming “LOOK AT ME!” literally at the top of her lungs. I was shocked, she never ever screamed with me. DB interrupted MB and I and said, “Can you please stop your conversation and look at 3G?” I’m telling you, my jaw almost fell open. 3G was being so incredibly rude and NF seemed to have no clue what to do. I also realized that DB and MB took turns eating dinner so one of them could keep 3G constantly entertained. There was no time at all when the adults could engage in conversation, and if we tried, 3G would just started screaming again. It was unbearable, and a total contrast to the sweet, quiet child I’ve been spending my days with for the last two years.

The next day, I basically (in a super professional, gentle way) informed NF that 3G’s behavior is not developmentally appropriate for her age. I told them that 3G should wait for her turn to speak, talk politely in a normal volume, and if she didn’t want to join the conversation, she should play independently or eat quietly while the adults chat. NF was immediately on board, even though I privately envisioned a hard road ahead for them. They had never set these kind of boundaries before, how were they going to handle it?

It turns out, they handled it beautifully. I started staying late for dinner every day. 3G had some pretty big tantrums the first few days, and I could tell NF was rattled. But they hung in there and they maintained the boundaries. No more constantly entertaining 3G, no more letting her scream and interrupt people. After 3 weeks, NK is a different child at dinnertime. She speaks in a normal volume, she participates in conversation appropriately, and when the topic doesn’t interest her, she just eats quietly and listens. Last night, for the first time ever, she played independently for 20 minutes while the adults all sat and chatted. 20 minutes of quiet, fully independent playtime. Absolutely a night-and-day difference.

And NF appreciate the change! They’ve been telling me things like, “we didn’t enjoy this process, but now that it’s done, we’re so glad you had us do this.” DB said it’s spilled over to the rest of their day. He said bedtime is way easier now, and he really enjoys spending evenings with his daughter. I’m so proud of myself for having the courage to tell them they needed to change, and i’m so proud of them for trusting me and sticking with it. Just wanted to share a little success story. Thanks for reading!

TLDR: NF let me teach them how to set boundaries for NK, and it was really hard, but they stuck with it and now their life is way better.