My husband and I have an infant and we are going through the most difficult time in our marriage. We just lost an amazing nanny because we:

1. Were snippy with each other in front of her (made her uncomfortable).
2. Would contradict each other (we would without knowing, give her opposing instructions).
3. Did not praise her enough for her excellent excellent work (we paid her way above market with bonuses but neglected to tell her how much me appreciated her)

When she resigned (giving us this feedback) we offered her a strong letter of recommendation, apologized, and offered anything that she needs as she finishes up this month. My baby loves her like he loves me so I am absolutely gutted. I feel a very deep sense of shame about the situation and am grieving pretty hard.

Daycare isn't an option for us, so we have to start looking for another nanny, but I am terrified at creating a negative experience for another human being. We will be starting therapy as a couple but having a kid has put some EXTREME stress on our dynamic and I'm worried we will not get it together in time. Does anyone work for a family that was a hot mess initially and then managed to get it together? If you could share whatever effective strategies they used to create a functional and respectful work environment, I would appreciate it.