I want to fast forward my life a few years. I know from all the older people in my life that they wish they were young and 20 again because that was the best time of their lives. I’m not seeing it. I’m about to turn 20 and I still feel like I’m 16 years old. I don’t feel like an adult or that I could ever pursue adult things like buying a house or getting a real job. I nanny right now but what am I going to do when my NF moves away. I am in school to be a teacher but I just want my life to be stable. I know that adult life doesn’t automatically come with being stable but I wish it did.

I want to skip a few years so I can buy myself a place to live. I want to start a family more than anything. I want to be pregnant and have babies and I want to have and find my person to be with for the rest of my life. I just got out a 3 year relationship but I’m sad because I wanted to really have a family with my partner. I don’t see that happening anymore but who knows. I’m so ready to have kids and I don’t even care how crazy that sounds. Ever since I was a super young child I always wanted babies and wanted to be pregnant young. I just hate that my parents or family wouldn’t accept me if I had a child young. Of course I am not actually getting pregnant anytime soon but if I did my accident I would be dead.

Anyways this is a stupid rant but I would trade anything in the world to just feel like I’m an adult.