I’m tired, y’all.

Tired of F9’s attitude. Tired of M6’s undiagnosed/unaddressed issues. Tired of F3’s regression to baby mode when NP are around. I’m frustrated because I l ow some of these behaviors are normal, but it’s so draining.

I’m tired of the house being filthy. Not just messy, but filthy gross. I’m tired of constant cleaning just to have an area where I can work. It’s anxiety provoking.

I’m tired of “Can you stay late?” without notice. I’m tired of not being needed (and therefore paid) without notice. I’m tired of dog sitting without notice. I need consistent hours, if not guaranteed.

I’m tired of no raises in almost three years. I appreciate the little gifts and bonuses, but I can’t pay my rent if I don’t get paid for the week between Christmas and New Years.

I’m tired of DB being home all. the. time. I’m tired of him interfering in my discipline, contradicting me. I’m tired of him getting the kids wound up, being very physical with them, and then walking away, leaving me to deal with it. I’m tired of him not setting clear boundaries and then yelling at the kids when they do something he doesn’t like.

I’m tired of them not caring for their pets. Their dog is old and in pain, in desperate need of grooming and dental care. They just got a hamster and it was interesting for one whole day. They have gone through ant farms, butterflies, tadpoles, all with disastrous results.

I’m out of ideas for fun. My suggestions are met with “No, that’s stupid/boring/I hate it.” If I let them be bored, there’s physical fighting. I miss going places and experiencing things. They hate virtual camp, therefore I hate it too. I’m tired of them wanting tv/computer/tablet all the time and fighting me when I say no.

I’m tired of being the bad guy and telling them “No you cannot have a family sized bag of tortilla chips as your lunch.” “Yes you have to finish what was left from lunch for a snack.” “Yes, you need a shower and yes you have to flush and wash your hands and yes you have to brush your teeth.” I’m tired of dragging them outside for physical activity.

I know part of this is my own personal issues, including anxiety and depression. I know I need to sit down and address these things. I know part of it is because of Covid and all the stress from it. But damn, y’all. I’m tired.

Thanks for letting me vent.