4F has 2 siblings but for all purposes right now she’s basically an only child (14M lives with his mom and 1M has his own nurse).

She used to be so much better at independent play but now with everything that’s going on... it’s like she needs the constant connection. I take mini breaks throughout the day of not playing but they are always peppered with her saying “when are you coming to play with me?” Or having an absolute meltdown about never having friends again.

This is mostly a rant. I’m just tired. We’re all tired. And she’s tired and this is just as hard if not harder for her.

If I teach 4F a new game, (last week it was fashion show with her Barbies), that’s all she wants to play all day. For the rest of forever. But it has to be set up the exact same way every time. Here’s how we play fashion show: all of the Barbies get their clothes taken off and sorted into piles. Then one person is the store and one person is a Barbie and we take turns dressing the Barbies for the fashion show. Then we set up a walkway made out of magnatiles, turn off all the lights and announce what the Barbie is wearing while they “walk” down the aisle. Except... if I say something different than what I said last time (as the announcer) she loses her mind. She won’t take turns and won’t do anything other than the exact way that we’ve been doing it. No one else can play this game with her because they do it “wrong.”

Which leads to a cycle of “4F, I am not having fun right now playing this game because I feel like I’m not getting to make any choices.”

“Okay, I won’t.” Or some variation. Lather rinse repeat. Yesterday I told her I couldn’t play Barbies with her at all that day because we don’t get along when we play. And then I felt awful because she has no one to play with but I can’t do the constant “and then you say... no! You’re playing wrong!” We has this “playing wrong” problem before all of this but it was way less of a problem when we had places to go and other kids to play with.

Throughout the day I can draw her into board games, arts and crafts, school activities, baking, outside time... etc but always back to the same game. I got a new kitten last weekend and that has been a lifesaver for both of our mental health - she has come over a few times to meet and play with him. He’s very snuggly and she likes to just hold him when she’s feeling sad.

Lately she has also been asking me to pretend to be her bff who we’ve seen from a distance. But that also turns into “no! BFF would say this! You’re playing wrong!” TGIF.

I should add she was in multiple therapies before this all started but... now that’s all on hold too. I want to introduce some more pretend games (I was thinking a fancy tea party this coming week!) but I can’t be stuck in repeat mode all day with those as well.