Hi y’all, mom here. My nanny is a Black woman and me/my kid is White. He’s 4 and has been having big tantrums recently. When he does so with her in public, she has (legitimate) fears about one of the rude people staring calling the police. Especially when my son is yelling “I want to go home! I want my mom!”

As a person privileged in so many ways, it’s not my place to tell her not to be afraid. I can tell her what works and doesn’t work for me, and I can try to minimize WFH so she can be home with him instead. But staying home all day is not good for him either and feels like the wrong solution.

I believe what he’s doing is pretty age appropriate and will eventually pass as he figures out emotional regulation.

We would love advice on how she could handle these situations when she’s out with him. All I can think of is: don’t take him out until this phase passes, or something like wearing a shirt that says “Nanny” in bold letters … it sounds silly but what are you supposed to do about other people and a police department that is under federal decree for its biased treatment of Black people?

Update: I talked to my son tonight about the racial situation and then we role played. I’d say, “who am I” and he said “you’re my nanny” and I’d say “are you ok kid” and he’d say “I’m safe, I’m with my nanny”. His words are hard to understand though, so we will need to keep practicing and practice when he’s actually upset.