I don't expect anything to come of this, especially since I'm shy, but I might as well try right?

I like the idea of getting touched, but I'm chronically online and not in the best place mentally so I'm not sure how it will play out. I'm pretty touch starved and lack a lot of physical experience, but I know platonic touch can make me really overstimulated easily. I'm looking for a Mommy who can like... touch me?

I'm a little, and like, from my experience online I know I like dark stuff. I don't know why, maybe it's because I'm bad at connecting with people, but I feel like I need sadism over gentleness even though I've fantasized about the latter more. I like extremely messed up humiliation, but nothing that involves others. The whole "call me whatever you want, say whatever you want, ask me whatever you want" shebang. That's what I've done online with my last domme for about half a year. And um... I have cnc fantasies of like getting groped and stuffed. I don't think I want to have sex, no thank you Ma'am. I just want to be your cute boy you can fondle and stuff. Humiliation (when agreed upon) is welcomed. Abuse is lovely too. You can ask about my past if I trust you, maybe we can even mix irl stuff with kink. And uh... I like being embarrassed with personal questions and confessing stuff to you. I wanna cry for you and rely on you when I need help with life too, but I know that might be asking for too much. I want a maternal figure I can trust in my life, but casual is probably more realistic. I wanna talk to you about life while you spank me or inspect me or milk me or finger me or something. But, whatever idea I have in my head, and whatever idea you have in your head, is probably not how it's going to pan out. I do like it very cruel but reassuring though.

I want to have a long talk about consent and negotiations and aftercare, etc, etc. I have communication issues so please be blunt. I communicate very slowly depending on the play. Patience is greatly appreciated. I can be bratty and even an asshole once in a while when I'm in a mood, but I don't mean to be. I'm sorry if I am. I don't respond well to strictness and punishments, but I do have a small service side. Also, I have an avoidant attachment style I'm working on in therapy. I avoid people and isolate when scared. Depending on where you are, we might not even play irl for a long, long time because of reasons. I'll explain. If this will be online for a while, I only use discord.

I'm 5'9", 215 ish lbs, white, husky but both fat and muscle, long brunette hair, blue eyes, hairy, and a bit of dumptruck lol. I blush a lot too.

I like older women ideally 30 with voices I like and bodies I like. My type is... I know it when I see it lol. I like all body types and types of voices, but it still depends so yeah.

Just because you see yourself one way doesn't mean I'll see you that way, so feel free to hit me up if I piqued your interest Ma'am!! :)