I've been reconnecting with the regret/mourning process of NVC lately and have had a big regret situation come up in my life today, so I thought of sharing here since I don't know anywhere else I can have a witness for this process. And maybe it will contribute to learning as well. I would love empathy /empathic reflection/empathic expression in the comments, but not reassurance or trying to convince me not to feel a certain way.

Event and action that I took: I saw my pet rat lying in his cage on his side in an odd position. I was initially concerned but then I saw he was breathing and thought, "Oh, he sleeps oddly sometimes like all the rats, I'll leave him alone." The next morning I realized that he has had some serious spinal cord injury (SCI) or traumatic brain injury (TBI) and is mostly paralyzed throughout his body. I took him to the vet today and got him meds, but he spent the whole night in this state without support.

Needs I was trying to meet: I was trying to let him rest by not disturbing him when he looked to be in a weird position. I was also trying, without consciously realizing it, to not "indulge" my anxiety about my pets (or things in general). I guess I was trying to trust that things are often OK even when I think there is something bad happening?

(Although this experience has reinforced the opposite)

Needs not met: Care for my pet. Support and love for a suffering creature. I feel so bad and sad thinking about him not being able to move all night and not having anyone looking after him. This is really painful. (The other rats were ignoring him.) I want all suffering creatures to have someone at least be present with them. I don't want anyone to have to suffer alone. I wish I could have given him support and helped him be more comfortable sooner. And gotten him to the vet sooner, because there is one medication he has now received that is more effective the sooner it is administered in cases of SCI or TBI.

Side realization in this process: Although come to think of it I might not have found this medication if I'd noticed sooner, because I researched it today while waiting for the emergency appointment time.

Related event and thoughts: I recently redid my rat cage set up. I think it is possible that my rat fell and hit his head, because he does not see well and I took out the middle floor level of the cage, replacing it with ladders and ledges and hammocks.

Needs not met: Safety, care, consideration for his needs and well-being.

Needs I was trying to meet: Providing a more stimulating environment, especially for one of my other rats who seems really bored a lot of the time. So, care, entertainment, quality of life for creatures in my care.

The most potent part of this process is recognizing how sad I feel.aboit him suffering alone all night. That's the part that has me crying.

I realized while writing this that in addition to empathy, I would also welcome knowing if this contributed to anyone's learning and understanding of NVC.