Why?

I do, for a few reasons, I guess:

1. I enjoy the thrill of sneaking around and having secret relationships. I’ve considered a poly lifestyle, but part of the fun is going behind his back. That’s not to say I don’t feel any guilt. I do. I actually feel sick to my stomach when I type that out, so I’m not really sure what that says about me. That maybe there’s a sliver of hope after all? I don’t know.

2. I get bored in long term relationships. I lose interest. I need novelty.

3. I have specific needs that my partner can’t fulfill. He’s great as a friend and life partner, but sexually, we aren’t compatible and I have to get my needs met. Sorry.

I’m fully aware I’m a shitbag. I talk about this in therapy quite a bit.

ETA: I have to admit I’m surprised at the replies given the forum. I’ll reply to questions on my own time, but to those asking if I feel guilt, yeah, I do—just not consistently, and I’m able to suppress it for the most part, except when I’m high - then it overwhelms me.