Anyone else feel their life has been an endless nightmare?

I think there was a time where I felt more normal, but looking back, it feels like I've been living a dream for the past 15 or more years of my life.

I am flying through life and only feel connected to life when I am sleeping - in my dream state- or in that stage between opening my eyes and getting ready in the morning, where I feel this tremendous empty pain in my chest and I'm plagued with thoughts of my failed relationships and life pursuits. Does anyone know what im talking about? This feels like the only real me. Otherwise I'm almost psychotic.

This is the main contributung factor to my suicidal ideation. I dont want this life anymore.I don't feel like im really living, im just keeping this body alive and a mirage of a person.