Ive been in the midst of a collapse for what feels like eternity. I feel like i cant breath. No decision is correct. I dont know which direction to even turn in. I spend so much time masking to ensure people like me that im losing track. I constantly feel like shit for 1 random reason or another and think if i just push through it ill be fine. I just feel like I’ve been pushing for so long and it just keeps getting worse. I always feel like im finally turning a corner and all i do is fall and fail harder and more spectacularly than before.

I need people because i need the validation, i need the attention! I want all of the attention, i would love a stalker but i am repulsed by this weakness! Why am i so incredibly weak minded that i require anything of these fucking peons? They are no one to me, they mean nothing, my life will continue as it has before with or without them. I am physically repulsed with my own existence because i cannot overcome such simple problems.

I hate it, i hate myself but i cant do anything. I wanna kill myself just to make this fucking nightmare end. I cant even bring myself to end it on my own because it still feels like quitting. Im just too tired to keep going though. What am i even pushing forward towards? I even fucking hate how saying this outside of my own head makes me feel like im being a drama queen.