My little man was born on July 14 at 30w 1. He's been in the NICU since and it's really getting to me. He's very anemic and we're looking at at least three more weeks. I think the worst part is that I feel like I've already failed him. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia after my retina detached combined with severe headaches and vomiting. My BP was normal the whole time. Now my body isn't producing any milk despite trying everything. I pumped with a hospital grade pump every two hours, are ridiculous amounts of oatmeal, drank water until I couldn't take it anymore, drank that nasty mother's milk.... You get the picture. It just feels like maybe I'm not meant to be a mom. I love him more than anything already, but I'm so afraid of screwing all of this up. I couldn't carry him to term and I can't feed him. It's getting harder and harder to visit him. Postpartum depression sucks hard. The NICU sucks even harder. I just hope this all gets easier soon.