Growing up I was never really taught “staring is rude” and even when I did learn about it as a teen, I never understood why, and never learned how to not do it. My eyes just follow whatever moves, and if I dont have a phone or tv to look at then I cant help but look at people.

I find myself in hot water pretty often, especially when the club is slow, because when I have nothing to do I revert to my factory settings and just 0-0 everyone in my immediate field of view while I zone out. Im not always aware Im doing it, and when I am, I really struggle to stop.

Even when Im not zoning out, I just I like to see how people interact with the world around them, especially when Im not feeling particularly human that day and need something to mirror. A lot of the time I am actually watching THEIR eyes to see where they look so I can try and learn where I am supposed to look when I am not engaged with tasks.

Its not malicious staring, so I dont really understand why it upsets people. But I would like to learn alternatives if it means making those around me more comfortable.

Ive seen a few girls bring in books, or even legos to keep themselves busy in a mostly empty club without being on a phone. But I dunno how that might affect my money if customers come in and see that.