Last year, I was groomed, molested and abruptly dumped by a local Muslim Pakistani man who convinced me he wanted a serious relationship with me. He asked me out while I was his patient (my first and only time dating). I was trying to keep the relationship a secret until I was ready to get engaged to protect both of our reputations. I am a celibate virgin, he is not. I've been saving all of myself for the right man my entire life, and he knew that. I never even held hands with a guy nor had male friends until I met him (for personal reasons, not religious). When I mentioned my story online, so many Muslim men shifted the blame onto me (Muslim women were sympathetic), saying I shouldn't had been dating in the first place. "Dating", "free-mixing" and love marriages are fairly common in my Bengali culture to a degree, and he said he didn't consider us to be dating after he dumped me despite agreeing to exclusivity. Regardless, if I'm not allowed to date, who am supposed to marry then?

I never got a proposal. My dad passed away when I was a child, and my widowed mum and siblings don't know many people (my mum is elderly now), so there is no one to arrange my marriage. I have zero relatives. No cousins, aunts or uncles to introduce me to anyone (estranged abroad or killed in war), and my siblings and I aren't close like that. I don't even have friends, and I don't get many opportunities to go out and socialise (I was working on this before I met him).

My family would of course prefer me to marry a Muslim man, preferably a South Asian, so that limits my chances even more. The Muslims where I live are Pakistani and they prefer to marry their own cousins (the man who molested me now tells me my ethnicity is a problem, even though he knew my ethnicity from the beginning and said it doesn't matter, and I made an exception for him). The Bengalis in my country are from a different region and speak a different dialect, and they prefer to marry within their culture. The few we know are like brothers to me. I don't want to marry someone outside of the UK as I want to live here. They probably would only marry me for citizenship, which I've witnessed happen to many British people. I don't have money to bring someone over anyway.

Am I supposed to look for a complete stranger in Muslim matchmaking sites and marriage bureaus? I personally find these embarrassing and not a "how I met your father" story I want to tell. I don't think I'm pretty enough nor have much to post on my profile anyway. Most men, especially South Asian men, think I'm too old to marry at 36, even if I'm their age and look younger (the man who molested me told me that after he dumped me, even though he is older and always knew my age). And when I was younger, I was too fat and tomboyish. Non-South Asian/Muslim men prefer premarital sex and years-long relationships, which I can't afford as I want biological children. The older men who would marry me are usually divorced and already have children, which my family probably won't accept. I want to grow with someone and experience first-times together anyway, and not be a second wife.

It really eats away at me when people ask if I'm married yet and lamenting that I'm never going to have children and give grandchildren. They stopped asking when I'm going to get married because of my age. I feel really ashamed of myself that I'm not good enough to be made a wife, but good enough to play with. I also feel like I'm embarrassing my parents, especially seeing my old schoolmates with children and my nieces preparing to get married. I used to pretend that I don't care about relationships, but the truth is that I rarely get approached by decent attractive men suitable for me.

The only "decent" man who approached me - the man I strongly believed was my naseeb as he was a perfect match, we had so much chemistry and had so many things in common and we met in a natural, destined way - now says he wasn't thinking about marriage when he asked me out... We were discussing marriage when we were together. I made it clear from the start that I don't do casual relationships. I realise now he just wanted to take advantage of me until he finds his actual life partner (his cousin sister probably), even though he insisted he wasn't. If my life feels so lonely and bleak now because of what he did, then I am frightened of my future. I don't even have a pension. I know I shouldn't let my happiness be defined by a man, but it doesn't help when society only values and respects a woman when she's married. And honestly, I would've been okay with being unmarried and would just be focusing on other things, like career and travel. But the man who molested me left me craving true love, companionship, and the good kind of touching to undo his bad. I don't have the energy left to look for potential partners after this experience though. He stole my heart and broke my spirit.

NB: I have depression now, so be honest, but please be kind. Please do not discuss this elsewhere.

Edit: I'm not actually looking for matrimonial advice. I'm venting about those people who criticised me for dating.

Edit 2: I am a Hanafi Sunni Bengali. We don't have a "wali" in my culture, we don't wear niqabs, and we don't marry people we consider like-brothers. I'm British from the UK, not Bangladesh. I'm certainly not going to go to mosques to look for a husband. I'm not even a religious, practicing Muslim - I just have my own personal standards, boundaries, morals, and values.