How can I stay firm in my deen? I feel like I’m slipping because of this issue, and it’s making me worry about becoming agnostic. I already see a therapist and hope to start looking for marriage in about three months. I do plan to discuss this with a future potential when getting to know each other for marriage. Through it seems like most people never did that and only found out after marriage.

Praying Salah five times a day helps me manage my anxiety, especially about a topic I’ll explain shortly. However, when I genuinely forget a prayer—like yesterday with Maghrib—I feel down and unmotivated to pray Isha. This often spirals into losing interest in being a practicing Muslim, which feels especially disheartening since I strive to be an ideal Muslim and have no history of engaging in haram. The reason behind this struggle ties into what I’m about to share.

A majority of my anxiety affecting my faith is having psychological ED (reduced firmness). A urologist ruled out anything physical. As someone who has saved himself for marriage, despite having opportunities to date or hook up, this feels incredibly unfair. I can’t help but sometimes feel robbed by Allah. Growing up, I believed that avoiding haram would mean Allah would bless me with something better—but now, it feels like the opposite.

Losing my mom and my oldest brother between the ages of 14 and 19 left me longing for human connection, but I couldn’t get married because I was still in college. At 20, my dad was diagnosed with mild cancer, and at 22, I discovered I had a benign tumor. I'm now 26. After everything I’ve been through and continuing to abstain, I sometimes find myself asking: why should I keep going when it feels like Allah didn’t care about my sacrifices, and now I’m facing psychological ED?

I also find myself asking why would woman, especially one who’s saved herself, would want to marry someone who might have erection issues.

As a virgin, I won’t know if this is a real issue until marriage, but the thought weighs on me. The high costs of mahr, weddings, and honeymoons make it worse. I worry it could cause tension in a future marriage. Casual dating sometimes seems easier—financially and emotionally—by addressing ED and building intimacy before proposing.

I mean no disrespect, but living in America and coming from a dysfunctional family, I’ve worked hard to avoid haram. When I see other Muslims from stable families engaging in these things, it feels unfair. How come they don't have any erection issues? How come Allah doesn't test them?