i m not sure where to start.. but here we go (Kids please ignore!)

so I am gay, and i think I am living a lie.. i am quite conservative but i just cannot fathom how and why God 'chose' me to be gay - i could have been like any one of my friend.. straight and have kids etc etc but i feel like i am in this situation where I have to be unhappy? What kind of test is this? I mean what am i supposed to do?

I also cannot understand what's wrong with it? i know you might be harming yourself (in a way like if you have no kids then when you grow up, no one to look after you etc).. but apart from that?

I also cannot understand how easily people (straight) will just give you advice.. I mean imagine if it was the other way around, ie. it was haram for men/women.. and it was only same sex.. i cannot imagine any straight person even thinking he could 'sleep' with a man..

This is really letting me down, making me angry, making me short tempered, i feel like just screaming/breaking stuff etc and I dont know how to get out of this situation? I have cried and cried to God, make dua every day.. but i just DONT KNOW... i am sad, angry and feel jealous when straight people around me are happy, going about their married life and I am like this.. sometimes i wish why not ONE of them, why me.. ie one of them could have been gay and not me.. etc etc.. i always ask WHY me... I have so many other issues, and this is just like one right at the top..

for whats its worth, i actually dont like 'the part' i dont know if that makes me asexual or not..

I know this question has been posed here before.. but i really wanted to vent/rant/let it out because I am going crazy.. life is passing by and i NEED To do something.. either way..