I guess I am writing this because certain things are not sitting well! I am a new convert Muslima who is easing into Islam at my own pace. I accepted Aqeedah (Tauheed) well before officially converting because I had read the Quran myself. After my conversion I did not pray daily for sometime as I was only going for Jumah. Then I started with one prayer a day and two and three. Now I can do 5 prayers on most days, so it is journey for me not a switch button. I have been athletic all my life and I am still going to a mixed gym but I am working to transition to where all of that would happen under a more Islamic setting inshAllah.

My husband who is a born Muslim, is very patient and has guided me through my spiritual journey very gently. His family and friends, not so much. They look at a white American woman, and think that I am a "fake Muslim" who only confesses her Islam because I want to be married to him. But when I am away from Muslims, I become my own non-Muslim self.

I have struggled to make Muslim friends because women don't seem to like me much and when I go to "DESI" gatherings, they make it a point that I feel unwelcomed. An incident happened recently that immediately caused my husband to lose a lot of people in his social circle.

There was a baby shower in which we were invited. Some members of his family were there too. I was holding a baby in my arms (someone elses baby.) and my husband was sitting next to me eating his french fries. Since my hands were occupied, he was dipping the fries in ketchup and feeding me with his hands. People were giving us dirty looks, specially my husband but I was holding a baby so my hands were occupied.

Everyone was in a total state of shock because in Islam, husband is the head of the family and above the wife in authority and traditionally it has been the womans job to feed her husband. This was looking to be a TOTAL role reversal where he was looking to be my slave.

My husband tolerated the gaze but then he dipped one of the french fries in ketchup and playfully marked my cheek. I was like "what did you just do now?!." He said sorry and took another frie and did it again so I had two ketchup marks on my cheek. I told him to please wipe it off because I cant let go of the baby. He said "sure" and leaned over and licked it off my face with his tongue.

People's jaws just dropped!

He said it is time to leave! Then he went and said farewell only to the hosts and no one else, even his own family members and brought me home. I asked him why did he behave like that?

He said that a lot of people in that particular gathering were against our marriage and advised him to not proceed with it. They tried to explain to him that a woman outside his culture will never be able to make him happy. They told him that his marriage will not last for more than 6 months and I was not even a real Muslim otherwise I would be in a hijab. The same people were present in that gathering and he did that to tell them that you were all wrong and my marriage is better than yours.

While I am grateful to Allah swt that I have a husband who guided me in my spiritual journey and values me so much, I feel like may be I am a bad influence on him Islamically. I am thinking if he would be closer to Allah swt if he had married a Pakistani because he would never lose his "adaab" for sure. Where I am in my spiritual evolution, this thought is very discomforting.