Im so lonely. Been here 2.5 years. Made many friends but somehow with a distance. Maybe typical for Germany. I am all embraced when Im fun and joking, and informative and entertaining… but when Im in need of some care… a talk … a hug… I literally dont have anyone to talk to.

I tried to hit the gym for the past year and I look better but somehow I still dont have friends I can truly call “close friends” or friends who I can call randomly and talk, share my feelings.

Sometimes when Im in the gym, I see guys being bros with each other, motivating, supporting each other, being homosocial… maybe even platonically homoromantic, but still only friends. Id love to have that with another man.

I speak German pretty well but I still dont get German puns or irony often. Sarcasm or some cultural specifics. I feel so unintegratable into this German culture… I cant plan coffee with friends or dates “in two weeks” (!)… Im much more direct.

Im also queer and I feel like gay guys relate to me only if when they know they get sexual gratification from me… and str8 guys feel weird around me because Im gay and they think Im after them…

Ive been more and more in love with women, but this is making me super confused as I was never with a woman in my adult life. I dont know what to think anymore.

Anyone got an Adele ticket? I wanna sing and cry my heart out lol. JK.

I thought Id share my feels. As the Germans say: geteiltes Leid ist halbes Leid.